The Office Heretic

THE OFFICE SPACE, IS PATHETIC.
IN YOUR FACE, I AM SYMPATHETIC.
BY YOUR EYES, IT IS CHAOTIC.
FROM YOUR CRIES, IT IS FRANTIC.
NAME YOUR PRICE, LET'S BE PRACTIC.

TALK TO BOSS, SHE IS CIVIC.
IDEA TO TOSS, BUT NO LOGIC.
JAWS TO PAUSE, OH SO DRASTIC.
IT IS COST, YOU IDIOTIC.
IN MY CROSS, JUST SO CYNIC.

Dedicated to the Sardine Pack

Intelli Conduct

Your Dominant Intelligence is Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence

You are naturally athletic and coordinated, good at making your mind and body work together. Sports are fun and easy for you, especially those requiring good hand - eye coordination. There's also a good chance you're a great dancer, or good at expressing yourself through body language. You learn best by doing, and you feel like you've always got to be moving (even if it's just your hands). You would make a good athlete, physical education teacher, dancer, actor, firefighter, or artisan.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

VD Psycho Babble

That Petrol Emotions' Babble album in 86' or 87' (i think), was pure stoned-washed muzik to my ears.. angst ridden with guitar noize aplenty; something which caught my attention in a period where the local airwaves were constantly dominated by radio friendly tunes; could they have played anything else? *ironic chuckle* a-ha, madonna, miami sound machine...plenty of love songs....

I think my 1st VD (as the joe boys fondly used to call it) was celebrated in 86..can't recall how the day went but i remember receiving a brown huggable Pound Puppy (aka the sausage dog) soft toy for a gift from a "connected" convent girl in church.. is it still the fad nowadays to give stuff toys to the one you fancy??? it was a good sensation to receive...can't remember what i gave to her... where is she now? what has happened to her in recent times? the grapevine has it that she's left her family here and migrated to the uk.... my audrey my.....my muse original... God bless you and hope that you are fine wherever you are...

aaah...good memories and sad ones too... collided in my head... the movies we watched at Cathay, the Yami yoghurt we shared at Picnics Scotts, the colored pen-touched letters that we exchanged, that fleeting moment of bliss the 1st time our lips touched, the testerone driven during our intimate moments, my sorrowful laden tears shed.... anyhow, there was definitely a good feel to celebrate VD with an equally infatuated teen of the opposite sex... so young, so full of energy, so full of passion... naturally everyone teased us about it..puppy love as they called it.. we will oblivious..love was blind..

almost 20 years have passed...the toy and letters are no longer in possession...yesterday i spent my VD looking after my 2 kids, playing with them..not much went through me head about celebrating it with wifey..perhaps was because wifey said that she did not celebrate VD...

the legacy of VD however, remains unchanged even till today.. commercialism still rules... marketeers union in jubilation... petty cafe/restaurants continue to present their creative pricing boldly... the roses at the family flower shop paraded proudly.. will there ever be another that will replace this popular perenial..

can we consider all these extravagance perverse ? .. maybe yes and maybe no...there will always be the black and the white.. an evening romance may cost a leg and an arm....but whence in 365 days can you find an immediate 50% increase in exposed, shameless courage... the number of man/woman/boys and girls braving their natural instincts to pop the question "will you be my valentine?"

MS Encarte definition
Val·en·tine’s Day (plural Val·en·tine’s Days) noun
February 14, the Christian feast day of St. Valentine and the traditional day for sending a romantic card or gift, especially anonymously, to somebody you love.

Botak Chin definition
Val·en·tine’s Day (plural Val·en·tine’s Days) noun
February 14, a day of reckoning for some, where courage is increased 3-folds, where pride and ego can be parked aside, where man and woman stray clueslessly and willingly into the trappings of the commercial flytrap all for a feel of this sensation called love..

for what it's worth.... Happy Valentine's Day !

The Rooster Punk

I just can't seem to get a grip of myself in the year of the cock.. there is a sense of apprehension in the air as i accompany this large bird into 2005... silly old rooster... how will you treat your long time friend, the rat, this year? will you be pecking me along the well trodden path or off the beaten track? any more surprises in stored for me?

i had an accident in the early hours of the 5th of february, it is said that the new year began on the 4th..so depending on which ancient theory is popularised here, i either ended the year on a low..very LOW or i began the year with a BANG! literally.. but seriously did it matter? i am just glad to be alive... can i then consider it as a good fortune since i escaped unscathed again and did not harm anyone? Mr Good Fortune, what is your selection criteria for this year? where am i in the queue? am i still in the queue or have i exhausted my number? can someone teach me how i can be exacting good fortune? how do i know if "Good Fortune" is indeed good fortune or just part of the game play for the Gods above?

questions, questions and more questions....*sigh*....is this an early indication of mid-life crisis ?

Will I dare do anything outstanding, different from the last? I can't even recall my new year resolution last year ..did i have one in the 1st place? think it was too lose some weight..

Dont play punk mr rooster...pretty please...



China Chick

Meeting with God

As my two young friends lay in God's embrace, i sat down to have the meeting with the Man himself... He opened the Book of Days....squinted His eyes... too many fine prints in my life i guess...*sigh*... the words that came out... "I'll give you another chance."

I woke up and saw that I was about to hit the yellow top taxi, instincts took over..I swerved to avoid the taxi...had no idea if there was another car around...heard a bang...then another...everything happened so quickly...i just wanted to put the car to a stop without killing myself and my two youngs friends...in a flash..it was all over.. I managed to halt the car by the shoulder of the AYE... i got out of my car instantly to see if the other car was ok... I was glad that no other vehicles were involved but i was shocked to see that the taxi had come a halt with its back facing the direction of the travel...how the hell did that happen ? my two passengers were shellshocked i believed....they got off the car with me....

I saw the cab driver get out of the car..he crossed the road precariously.. the driver with the tired eyes childed me for driving like this and causing the accident... i was sober-shocked by then.... i apologised repeatedly.... i saw his sorry and weary eyes looking at me, i recall hearing him say "wah..you will get me into a lot of trouble this time".. he crossed back to his car a couple of times to get some pen and paper..lee shouted out to him to be careful when crossing..........
...i am really sorry mr ong bk....i really am..

as we wrestled about calling the police and all...they both came within 5 minutes of each other...the ambulance then followed by the bmw... someone driving by could have called for the ambulance which then triggered a call for the police..the cab driver claimed that he had not called for them... the medics spoke to all of us to check that none of us sustained any injuries.. fortunately none had..they waited for the TP to arrive before making their departure... vonda and lee tries to reassure me that all will be fine....lee surprised me by giving me a reassuring clasp and rub on my shoulder...exactly what i needed to calm me down....thank you lee

the man in blue beacons me to go over...i walked towards the police seargent.. as i passed the taxi passenger...i took a puff from his fag.. he gave it to me willingly and knowingly.....i thank God that he was not injured..as I handed him back his fag.. i apologised to him again.."sorry bro...to make you go through this...really sorry man.." he reassures me that he is fine....

The police seargent spoke a provoking manner....

"har..you were drinking right when you drove ?"..."do you know you are disturbing my rest time?".."I saw you taking a smoke from that guy..from now on..you are not suppose to drink, eat or smoke anything.. you understand?..I will add another charge to you if you go against this order"....

i could only recall these questions being thrown at me .... amidst the confusion, dread and fear i had to grapple with..he read some criminal legislation rights to me...

i took the breatheanalyzer test.. the red rectangular screen flashed...FAIL... i had to be arrested and brought back to the hq for a more complete test at ubi.. the seargent's assistance asked me how my car will be dealt with.."so we tow your car back to ubi ?".."anyone coming to drive your car back?".. I thank Vonda for taking the initiative to call her brothers to come and help drive the car back... we had to wait for another 20 minutes or so..... i bade farewell to them and took the bmw back to the hq...Thank you vonda.

inside the police car, the seargent treated me surprisingly friendly...the chatter was amiable..he said that because i was co-operative and not "guai lan", he had decided not to handcuffed me.... i found out that he had a son and that he was younger than myself...a speedster he admitted he was and hence does not drink...maybe that was why he was driving the bm ferociously..i joked that he should drive a little bit slower and give me some "time"...

we arrived at the ubi hq in no time.. i walked along silently..fearing for the worst... the seargent passed a remark that he hoped that i would be fine..."i hope so lah" I replied....i was asked to take a seat while they proceeded to complete their reports... shortly, i was called upon be another policeman.. i took my stand before this complex squarish looking machine...instructions were briefed to me slowly...the test limit was 36 ug/100ml.. and after our details were keyed into the system, i blew into the device... paranoia crept in..it was a anxious 10 secs wait for the results....25.. the policeman informed me that i had passed, it is was plain from his voice that he was surprised...the seargent who brought me in enquired about my results and was silently pleased that i had passed i felt...

it was not the end.... they took my phone and keys and escorted me to this "waiting room" where there were a couple already inside.. this modern jail room was air conditiond with 3 seating rows; 2 rows facing each other and the other just hidden behind the wall encasing the 2 rows... before i went in, i asked if i would be allowed to make a call for bail.. he told me that i would be given time later and i was escorted into the "waiting room"..

i am not sure how long i had to wait..as i felt sleepy, i laid my tired body across the chairs and fall asleep... i was awaken by a shout inside the room, the couple in the same room was being asked about something.. before i could gather my thoughts, another plainsclothes policeman waved for me to come out through the clear windows of the room... this must be my turn for statements.. the young looking policeman brought me to another interview room..there were 4 pcs there and i noted ironically that this man's t-shirt printed "SINGHA Beer"... this was the interviewing officer(IO) who took and type my statements rapidly into the pc... he prompted me along for my indication of how the accident took place... at one instance i told him that i dozed off and that was likely the cause of the accident.. he looked wide-eyed at me..pause..said "you tell me how you want me to write this?" and that "dozing off" statement was likely to get me the maximum punishment which was a fine between 1-3k and a loss of license... i told him that i had only wanted to be honest..." i need your expertise here man"... the masterpiece statement was completed after a while....i signed on the 3 sheets...as i walked out of the room, i saw my dad and wifey out there... i heard a chuckle(?) from my dad and there was a strange calmness about my wifey...I was told to come back on the 18th for the verdict..i can only pray now..the time was 5.10am

after the bail was completed, i walked silently to my dad's vehicle..i apologise to my wifey for the damage on her car.. it was unliked her, she was calm throughout the journey..no hysterical ramblings and shouting unlike the 1st major accident i had 5 years back..not sure what to make out of this..

This morning i woke up slightly more level headed.. as i paced through the events that occured..i became emotional...i messaged lee and vonda to aplogise and enquire if there were bodily injures.. both responded well..a strange kinda of calmness.... no one could understand how i felt...no one...i almost lost my life 5 years back and I almost lost it yesterday..am i afraid of dying? probably not... but to almost single-handedly destroy the lives of two young individuals is something which i cannot come to terms with...a punishment which is worse than death had it occured..I can only thank the Holy Spirit for guiding the vehicle to prevent this catastrophe, how else do you explain the fact that no other vehicles were hit when i swerved to avoid the taxi? luck?

To witness the same scene repeated was too much to bear..everyone whom i text to wrote the "same" messages..deriding the incident to a mere factual crash and as long as no one was injured, it was fine...who could understand the emotional fracture that is within me now? i cried as my emotions got the better of me..

as for lee and vonda, i want to say that you are very very very fortunate to be alive today..and i apologise again for putting your young lives at risk.. somthing which should have never happened in the 1st place if you have taken the cab home..sincerely sorry.

Thank you Lord ....
Thank you Holy Spirit....

No Woman I Cry

..got my 1st comment....

I thank the "neurotic" for the providing me with such soothing and comforting verses from the white Book..beautiful....simply... maybe one day i will go look for my personal copy.. it must be lying around somewhere..... i am a lost sheep in an ancient world with antique values tainted with the "virtues" of this new, man-made paradise... how will it end?....how should it end ?

Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

woman..! ..my favourite......one of my fondest past-time is to sit an the city mrt and watch the woman go by...tall..short..big...small..skinny..buff.. so eye-catching....despite their physical beauty, they are but creatures with flaws just like man...

i risk getting stoned by stating this sweeping statement... woman.....they are ALL...erm... built in similar fashion...with the same operating platform... somehow, all woman were implanted with the same chip..there are certain charateristics which are second nature to woman and can never never be deleted or formatted...no matter how hard you tried.. the only thing that allowed distintion between 2 females were the applications and programs installed......

Man are from Mars.......Woman are from Venus....equates to
Man installed with linux....Woman installed with windows...

Man and woman were never made to be compatible..we have always struggled to be on common ground..sometimes it was successful and other times it was not... almost akin to 2 programmers writing a linking code for linux and windows...many have failed the code test...many are still writing...some have given up writing...and many do not know how to start...

man and woman are both prideful creatures inside (original sin ?) countary to popular belief that this sin only manifested within man and woman made evil... in times of doubt, both man and woman have tended to react in the same prideful manner which is to usually put themselves above the other...why this is so ? ask the maker Himself...

I am listening to this fabulous Nouvell Vague CD as i write.....my !...how they transformed the classic post punk songs to soft.. ..groovy..futurstic..listenable low tempo chill out....phew...jaws are dropping to the ground... too drunk too fuck is a bona fide classic remake ...... conincidently or not.... all the covers were performed by woman.....

love will tear us apart - joy division
guns of brixton - the clash
this is not a love song - P.I.L
too drunk to fuck - the dead kennedys

these days, woman are becoming more independent, quite surely differnt from the old days.... they say what they want to say, they do what they want to do, they say the things that man say, they do the things that man does...is it a bad thang...maybe not...it simply means that man must now adapt, be flexible...learn....

...my muse she is..but peer from afar...i could only..