The Tainted Cross

came across this entry in a local blog - http://starsrainwaves.blogspot.com/
about 1/4 down, after the picture of a funeral procession is a brutally honest piece about the misforgivings of a girl on how sometimes a religion can become a pain in the arse.. i could relate to what she felt cos quite a similar thing happened when my grandma passed away 8 years ago... though not with such blantant disregard but it was almost as bad....

'ah poeh'... as i affectionally used to call my grandma was my comfort mum during my childhood days..... while mum and dad were working day and night to pay the pills, 'ah poeh' was the one who took care of my well being in the day till my parents were back... up till today, i am still in awe of how she had managed to do it.. 'ah poeh' was 70 years my senior...!!! borned in 1902, she took care of me when i was a infant child right up to when i was aged 13 i think... it had to be..since my rebellious ways then would have made her give up on me.. besides an old woman at the age of 83 would have been quite relief to just sit back and watch the days go by....

now.... i look back at the past and i feel a tinge of guilt... for sometimes taking 'ah poeh' for granted.. i hanker for the days when she was still around.. where everything was a lot more lively... where throngs of relatives would gather at my house to celebrate the chinese new year...the loud talking (kheks are really really loud people when they congregate).. the bubbly atmosphere....it was a sight to remember..... dad was the 8th or 9th child in a family of 10... imagine the chaos when all of them came together in the mornings of lunar new year 1st.. this is not including the courtesy visits from the children of 'saey poeh' - small wife.... ah kong, you're the man !! 3 wives ?!?! hahaha...so much for monogamy...

'ah poeh' passed away while i was still studying in loughborough.. i remember my younger sis calling me to ask me if i was going back; she was studying in australia then... i told her sternly that we had to go back.. this is the 'ah poeh', the one person who looked after us for so long when we were kids... perhaps my sister did not feel much affinity since grandma stopped looking after her when her bodily systems were not fucntioning too well.. but i felt differently... here was one great woman whom sacrificed much of her time to raise me and it was a non too compelling a thought that i would just stay back in the university to study as my mum had suggested... i booked the next flight out on the following day.... i knew i had to go back home to show my respect..

the non-christian led procession was a happy-sad affair... happy for the fact the my grandma live to a riped old age of 95... she even survived 2 of her children which must have been very painful... but probably not as painful and sad as the refusal of her 2nd eldest son to lead the ceremony as the next eldest male in the family... christian beliefs were cited as the reason for not wanting to partake in the fareware affair... in the end it was left to my catholic dad to restore the continuity in the procedings.. sadly.... piously bounded christian faith with a lack of piety to your parents might just be the most atrocious sin of them all... i remember seeing the family of 4 taking refuge outside the house admist all the tongue wagging and the loud clangs of the procession... up till today, my dad has barely spoken to his elder brother...

Botak Chin definition
Sibling
A unique human relation between two blood kin which continually invoke potent spells of friend and foe-like behaviour thoughout the life linkage. This human behaviour may sometimes stagnate at an unpleasant state or vice versa even after death of a member.

Will God send my dad to Hell for what he did in respect of his mother ?

Explicit Childspeak

hey bro linus...eh...... i think you are a bit too young to be sprouting rubbish...



mummy! daddy! 24.....24 years ! this is the how long I will put up with erica....cos by 21, i'd expect her to get married and be out of this house!...stop touching that car...erica !


my two adorable children.....when you grow up strong and tall and independent....when you start to exhibit signs of wordly adult knowledge that many adult humans seek...please remember to treat each other with respect and be kind to the people around you just as i have always tried to be.... follow these thoughts to stay sane in the brave new world....

"do not do unto others what you dont want others to do unto you" - the bible (?)
"everyday i am learning something new" - botak chin

as long as you know that you have done your best.....you will be fine...
God will protect you and bless you always...

both of you are always my bao3 bei4....with love always..daddy..

Tortoise Orgasm

Today i did not manage to play any halo 1/2..... was damn busy fighting "fire" at work and was also trying to rest my hollow head for tonight's tortoise concert at the esplanade... i was totally looking forward to it.... finally one of the crème de la crème band from the city of chicago pays us a visit... it is truly an honor...really...

i took 2 pain killers this morning to hopefully contain the slight flu-like consciousness in my head... my colleagues must also be thinking.. why... there is a water buffalo in the office today... i was pleading to be very well for the concert and also for the prata run the next day.. thankfully at 4pm, i was still denied the opportunity to catch a glimpse of dr michael fung...

meet wifey at wtc, had a quickie bite at splizza's.. phuck up service if you ask me... maybe because we only ordered a 8" pizza, a soup and a lime juice between the both of us.. what is wrong with this indian girl ? i phucking abhor this... hopefully the indians serving the prata tomorrow will be better...

we got to the esplanade concert hall 6 minutes before the show began... a lady's voice boomed from the overhead speakers "ladies and gentlement, the tortoise's concert is about to begin in 6 minutes time, please make your way into the concert hall now. late comers will not be allowed inside after the concert begins and will have to wait for the break before being allowed in." .. i stopped to look at the band's cds.. 30 bucks per piece... i only had 1 of them and there were 4 on display...sigh.... i am already pretty broke.. wifey had commented that my "savings are very low"...during the ride there.. must be those lousy soccer bets...phuck..

anyhow.. i took my distracted eyes and moved along with the mass.... "indie" events are still attracting quite a crowd...... the young.. student-like... beauty-cool girls and the longhaired bandboys...the music industry people.. can't be sure that i can term this an indie event after all it is part of a jazz festival... but tortise isn't really jazz is it?.... saw many people that i had mild acquaintances with in the past inside... felt like back in time for a moment... my sit i await in, with anticipation like a schoolboy going on a first date..

the observatory opened the show at 40 past 7.. leslie now spots a goatee with his jesus christ hairstyle.. the band also has a new drummer to spice things up... looked like abdul nizam from the nonames i muttered to wifey.. it started well for them, a tight affair to begin with.. they played a total of 4 songs from their new album i think.. 2 of the songs sounded much like the church.. leslie had always liked the band.. subconciously ingrained? the gallery people on my right applauded loudly throughout...there was no encore when they concluded.... i walked up to stage to commend on their performance..the break followed and the muscians worked actively to unplug and plug their stuff... it is time.....

the lights were dimmed, tortoise took to stage.. cooly...there was no introduction.. the 5 of them went straight to their instruments and started playing... the sounds that emitted..whoa.. just blew my mind... and probably everyone else's as well.. on the background was a super large screen that flashed complex patterns and electronic art forms.. the 1st track..there were 2 bass players..cool i thought.. and when the song ended, one of the bass players went to play this instrument that looked like a electronic xylophone.. as they played on, it was like musical chairs on stage.. there would be 2 drummers on certain songs and there would be 2 bassist on others... the keyboardist would go play the drums and the drummer would go play the xylophone like instrument... the band members just took turns to play on different instruments...phew..... the coolest act i have seen in a long while... i can feel it coming....and music that they created was unbelievable...the wall of sound created by the synthesizers, the keyboards, the double drums, the full bass and the free jazz guitarist was simply orgasmic...when they played their 2nd last song...i was propelled to my edge of my seat, head bobbing......man...give it to me one more time !!!

we refused to leave after the last song.. the crowd stood its ground and just clapped away... after about 5 mins.. tortoise came on again!...man......i am like a little boy tonight..just fed endlessly with sweets....what a night! their set continued for another good 20 minutes....... i left the concert hall most happy...like a boy who got his sweets and then his 1st frenched kiss... the exuberance i felt...i can't describe.. whoa.. i sounded like a broken record later throughout... can't help it man...

Sheer Brillance

Botak Chin definition

Orgasm [awr-gazzem]
A state of undiminished high that can sometimes last more than a few seconds. May cause annoyance in others and disturbance to others if not quickly subdued. In extreme cases, it induces normal speech pattern breakdown causing the person to blabber non stop.

12 Storeys

This has no reference to the eric khoo artistic local movie in 1997, but instead, to the successful tragic suicide attempt that took place in Tampines recently. Ironically, the movie version also had a man committing suicide in the opening scenes from the 12th floor.... that is essentially where the similarities end.. one is reel and the other is real.... reading through the Newpaper version when i got home... i felt.. a sad... disturbance evolving inside....

The massive life truncation of the family of four was shocking news on the monday evening television... monday blues you say ?... the head of the family jumped to his death; while the police were trying to establish contact with his family, they found them dead on the same day in their homes..mother weechyelian, son and daughter side by side...jonathan and jeena were only 12 and 4 years of age respectively... what the f**k was simon lee thinking about...

Nothing saddens me more than the death of young innocent children who had their life journeys abruptly cut short by the selfish doings of the so called rational-thinking adult... they say that simon was in debt..and so what the f**k does that have to do with the children ? am i in anger?? yes i am but with whom i don't know.... God or simon...simon or God... you tell me..... did our very good God lose a bet with the devil.."no. 666.... you take this family".. i am pretty damn sure it was a very difficult choice.. "let My will be done" i hear You say.. dare i question more ?...

And what kind of shit brains have we here at the New Paper crew !??!? did you see the illustration they used ?!? a purple barney toy painstakenly merged with that of 2 shoes pointing towards the sky (presumably signalling death) and a fucking caption that read "Little Sheena died with her favourite toy". I always thought these clowns had the smartest, wittiest copy writters around since their sales depended on the punch lines but this is utterly insensitive crap at its worst.. does the New Paper for a fucking moment, seriously think that we cared about the freaking barney !?!? a death is a die, do we want to know what toys partook in this event !?! Some respect should be accorded where necessary.. unfortunately common sense took a back seat today.

Botak Chin definition
Suicide [su-i-cide]
An ill-taken action by an individual or individuals which typically achieves temporary emotional and physical relief without the need to bear responbility for the aftermath.

Sadness is engulfed by Anger

Leaving Highway 61

Before I left the office, I receive an email from "Zap-Fer" to the "Lost Sheep"...read the mail briefly..humourous..contained within also a song.. told meself that I would hear it back home.... In it accompanies the remark "hope you can catch the lyrics…well you know…as one grow older, their ears not that sharp"... haha... well.. I am really hard on hearing these days or have i been on extended selector mode to hear only what I want to hear....

Botak Chin definition
Noise [Noyz]
Vocal expressions which does not confine to the psychological state of an individual and hence is filtered/purged from the system naturally. This ensures that harmony and equilabrium is maintained within, without the need for a fix. Under harsh conditions, noise may sometimes be altered and embalmed.


Back home, I downloaded and play the song.. easy slow strumming in minors suggested that it would be a sad song... the well crafted tune prompted me to find out more about the band and of course...to locate the lyrics.. i am totally, absolutely a visual person.... the lyrics were simple and touching.. is this in refrence to the parable of the "Lost Sheep" i can't recall but really heart warming song.. Thank You so much for the song...Zephyr.. thank you for the thoughts..May God bless you always !

I'm lost and broken all alone on this road
The wheels keep turning but the feeling is gone
when I fear I'm on my own
But you remind me i am not alone

You say..

I'd leave ninety-nine
Leave them all behind
To find you (For you alone)
I'd leave ninety-nine
Leave them all behind
To find you

It's dark and lonely and the path is unclear
Can't move my feet because I'm frozen with fear
And you say, my child, my child
i am always here, i'm by your side

I'd leave ninety-nine
Leave them all behind
To find you (For you alone)
I'd leave ninety-nine
Leave them all behind
To find you

You're never too far down, i promise you'll be found,
i'll reach into the mud, the miry clay
persue you to the end, like a faithful friend,
nothing in this world, will keep me away,

I'd leave ninety-nine
Leave them all behind
To find you (For you alone)
I'd leave ninety-nine
Leave them all behind
To find you............ Leaving 99-Audio Adrenaline

There is always comfort in knowing that you can fall back on God and good individuals......., perhaps the utmost draw of being in a religion is that a person subconsciously knows that a higher being will always be there to guide them and help them in times of need whether manifasted in true form or in the perceived consciousness of the mind..

btw...a strange thing happened when i replayed this beautiful track the 4th time..the dinning room light went off leaving me in almost complete darkness spare the lights in my computer room... what are you trying to tell me..God ?

Religion is such a complex roadmap these days... so many choices out there... buddhism, christanity, judaism; taoism, islam, catholicism etc etc etc.. how does Man make a choice if all of the undelying basic principals are almost the same.. the commandments of each religion may be stated in one form or another..but basically, essentially and personally, i think that they all guide us to execute goodness of all forms in our daily lives towards everything living.. how does a person come to the conclusion that their religious beliefs is the truest and only correct form to embrace... Is there perhaps only One God in this world manifasted in many forms accordingly to the circumstances and enviromental settings of that age ?

Oh God said to Abraham, "Kill me a son"
Abe says, "Man, you must be puttin' me on"
God say, "No." Abe say, "What?"
God say, "You can do what you want Abe, but
The next time you see me comin' you better run"
Well Abe says, "Where do you want this killin' done?"
God says, "Out on Highway 61." Highway 61 Revisited-Bob Dylan

Where would a perfectly good-deed doer Athiest be after his death ?

Let His Will Be Done..