The Tainted Cross

came across this entry in a local blog - http://starsrainwaves.blogspot.com/
about 1/4 down, after the picture of a funeral procession is a brutally honest piece about the misforgivings of a girl on how sometimes a religion can become a pain in the arse.. i could relate to what she felt cos quite a similar thing happened when my grandma passed away 8 years ago... though not with such blantant disregard but it was almost as bad....

'ah poeh'... as i affectionally used to call my grandma was my comfort mum during my childhood days..... while mum and dad were working day and night to pay the pills, 'ah poeh' was the one who took care of my well being in the day till my parents were back... up till today, i am still in awe of how she had managed to do it.. 'ah poeh' was 70 years my senior...!!! borned in 1902, she took care of me when i was a infant child right up to when i was aged 13 i think... it had to be..since my rebellious ways then would have made her give up on me.. besides an old woman at the age of 83 would have been quite relief to just sit back and watch the days go by....

now.... i look back at the past and i feel a tinge of guilt... for sometimes taking 'ah poeh' for granted.. i hanker for the days when she was still around.. where everything was a lot more lively... where throngs of relatives would gather at my house to celebrate the chinese new year...the loud talking (kheks are really really loud people when they congregate).. the bubbly atmosphere....it was a sight to remember..... dad was the 8th or 9th child in a family of 10... imagine the chaos when all of them came together in the mornings of lunar new year 1st.. this is not including the courtesy visits from the children of 'saey poeh' - small wife.... ah kong, you're the man !! 3 wives ?!?! hahaha...so much for monogamy...

'ah poeh' passed away while i was still studying in loughborough.. i remember my younger sis calling me to ask me if i was going back; she was studying in australia then... i told her sternly that we had to go back.. this is the 'ah poeh', the one person who looked after us for so long when we were kids... perhaps my sister did not feel much affinity since grandma stopped looking after her when her bodily systems were not fucntioning too well.. but i felt differently... here was one great woman whom sacrificed much of her time to raise me and it was a non too compelling a thought that i would just stay back in the university to study as my mum had suggested... i booked the next flight out on the following day.... i knew i had to go back home to show my respect..

the non-christian led procession was a happy-sad affair... happy for the fact the my grandma live to a riped old age of 95... she even survived 2 of her children which must have been very painful... but probably not as painful and sad as the refusal of her 2nd eldest son to lead the ceremony as the next eldest male in the family... christian beliefs were cited as the reason for not wanting to partake in the fareware affair... in the end it was left to my catholic dad to restore the continuity in the procedings.. sadly.... piously bounded christian faith with a lack of piety to your parents might just be the most atrocious sin of them all... i remember seeing the family of 4 taking refuge outside the house admist all the tongue wagging and the loud clangs of the procession... up till today, my dad has barely spoken to his elder brother...

Botak Chin definition
Sibling
A unique human relation between two blood kin which continually invoke potent spells of friend and foe-like behaviour thoughout the life linkage. This human behaviour may sometimes stagnate at an unpleasant state or vice versa even after death of a member.

Will God send my dad to Hell for what he did in respect of his mother ?